Avista's Got Talent
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: In a parody of America's Got Talent, the Birds of Avista play to find out which one of five finalists is the most creatively talented. Another of the Birds' reality shows.


**A/N:** I've never seen a full episode of _America's Got Talent_ , although I have seen parts of various episodes from time to time, so it's possible that some of the details in this fan fiction could be a little different from that show. But that's all right, because none of my Avistan/Bird Nation reality show fanfics are supposed to be clones of the real shows they're based on.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _ThunderCats_ , nor do I own _America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent,_ or any other international versions of _Got Talent_. I do, however, own my OCs, and the stories about them that I am writing here. Enjoy!

* * *

 **Avista's Got Talent**

The intro to this monthly show begins with a variety of colorful, uniquely shaped birds flying through the skies, doing their usual bird behaviors, like preening, feeding, courting, running (if they were flightless), and a dozen or so other activities, ending with the brightly lit blue and white logo, "Avista's Got Talent." Then the host of the show, a loon named Lunie, proudly stands before the crowd of viewers and onlookers.

"Hello, good evening, and welcome," he said, "to another remarkable showing of Avista's Got Talent! Whereas the Song Sparrow would sing a lovely trill or buzz, and the Yellow Warbler would say, 'Sweet, sweet, sweet, I'm so sweet!'" He grinned and laughed. So did the audience.

"Now let me introduce you to our judges tonight," he continued. "Nemu, a clever, female emu with a flair for the theatrical, Cracker, a male grackle who loves a good magic trick, Torgul, a pigeon with a love for dazzling sights, especially if they involve lights, and Silvia, a female secretary bird with the beauty, _and_ the brawn, to seduce any talented Bird into her nest."

The judges grinned, too.

"And so, once again, our finalists tonight are competing to be the most talented Bird in Avista, and for A$1,000,000! Remember, unless their act requires more time that this, each contestant has a maximum of two minutes to display a feat of amazing Bird talent the likes of which hasn't been seen before," said Lunie, "And on the Talentometer here, you can see exactly how good he or she does!"

The audience cheered.

"So let's move on to our first contestant tonight," said Lunie. "He's last month's second place finalist from the upper west side, ready for a little redemption, Mr. Cornelius the Tundra Swan!"

As the audience applauded, a large Birdman with all-white feathers and wearing an evening tuxedo stepped out onto the stage, and a few stagehands brought a large pool of fresh water for him.

"So, Cornelius," asked Torgul, "What sort of talent have you got for us tonight?"

"Well," said Cornelius, "I intend to swim in this little artificial pool with the grace of an actual swan, while bugling 'The Bells of St. Canary.'"

"Ah," said Nemu, "Sounds like this will be fun to listen to."

"I intend for it to be," said Cornelius proudly.

"Then let's get on with it," said Lunie, "'The Bells of St. Canary,' it is."

"Thank you," said Cornelius, and he proceeded to swim upright in the water like a real waterfowl swan. As the timer began, he began to swim elegantly while bugling, "Kuk kuk kuk, kuk kuk kuk, oh, oh oh oh ohhh-ho. Kuk kuk kuk, kuk kuk kuk, oh oh oh oh ho. Kuk kuk kuk kuk kuk-huk, oo ou oo oo oo-ou, kuk kuk kuk kuk kluck kluck, kuk kluck, oh oh ho ho…" And so on.

After the first stanza, Cracker had hit his buzzer, communicating his disapproval of the song. As Cornelius proceeded into the third stanza, Nemu also hit her buzzer. But Torgul and Silvia listened to the bugling song all the way to the end, and when it was over, they applauded Cornelius. So did the audience.

"Excellent!" said Torgus, "You really had me going there with those bugles!"

"I'd like to get to know you better, Cornelius," said Silvia, "That was so sweet, I could listen to it any night and feel cozy!"

"I'm not so sure," said Nemu, "It just sounded _weird_."

"You sounded like you were trying to make fun of the carol," said Cracker. "You know that such things are considered sacred by some Birds. That was a very nice posture, however."

"Well," said Lunie, "Well tried, Cornelius! It was a good try, and you did do somewhat good. You got as far as 3.5 on the Talentometer. Now Cornelius, what made you first want to try and bugle 'The Bells of St. Canary?'"

"Well," said Cornelius, "I first started bugling carols like 'St. Canary' and others when I was on a holiday in the Bird Nation, and my doctor encouraged me with it, because he thought it was doing wonders for my sore throat, which didn't entirely make sense to me, frankly."

"And Cornelius," asked Lunie, "What are your hobbies outside bugling carols?"

"Uh, gambling, flying, and preening," replied Cornelius.

"Oh, good!" said Lunie, "Well, thank you for your time, Cornelius. We'll determine at the end of the show whether you are the winner or not."

And with that, Cornelius went backstage with his little pool.

"Well, there he goes, Cornelius," said Lunie, "A very good try, indeed, but he must have let himself down on the hobbies a little bit; preening's not very popular around here. But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, let's move on to our second contestant tonight, Ms. Leiah the Rhea!"

A female rhea pranced onstage and said, "My talent I'd like to show you all tonight is how fast I can run a circuit around this stadium. I won't even need two minutes. I just need to be clocked for a maximum of one minute to run one full lap around the audience and back to the stage."

"You sure you can do this?" asked Nemu. "Because we can keep it at two minutes if you'd like, before it's too late to recant."

"I'm sure," said Leiah impatiently, "Rheas can run at speeds of up to 40 miles per hour, and that's quite fast for a land-based animal."

"Okay, then," said Cracker, "One minute it is. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be!" said Leiah.

"On your marks, get set, SQUAWK!" said Nemu.

Leiah took off from a standstill and ran around the audience, seeming to enjoy it as she did so. She soon hit 30 miles per hour as she closed in on the halfway point.

"Leiah! Leiah! Leiah!" the audience cheered.

She made it most of the way through the second half, and suddenly she stumbled on a cord on the floor when her claws struck it. Fortunately, they didn't puncture the cord, which would've caused both a power knockout and the electrocution of Leiah. Quickly picking herself up she ran the rest of the way to the end and made it just before the timer ran out.

Applause!

Torgul had hit his buzzer when she stumbled over the cord, but the other three judges were more lenient.

"Good effort," said Torgul, "Would've been perfect, if you hadn't stumbled over that wire."

"I thought it was magnificent!" said Silvia. "I've never seen such a fast run around a theater before, and indoors, too!"

"Except for that slight trip near the end, it was pretty good to me, as well," said Nemu.

"Me, too," said Cracker.

"And the Talentometer places her at 6 out of 7 on the scale," reported Lunie. "Very good try, Leiah," he congratulated her.

"Thanks," said Leiah, "I only wish I had spent more time looking where I was going and not getting overly lost in the moment."

"We all make mistakes," said Lunie, "But you may still win tonight's show, Leiah. You have great spirit as a talented runner, and the spirit always counts."

"Thanks," said Leiah, and she went backstage.

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen," said Lunie, "Our third contestant tonight is Mrs. Clarice, the European Starling!"

A large, gleaming black starling flew out onto the stage and perched. She nodded politely to the audience and displayed her fancy feathers.

"Clarice here is going to imitate the songs of a meadowlark, a jay, and a hawk, all in a maximum of two minutes," said Lunie, "And we shall see how good she is exactly at mimicry."

"Indeed," said Clarice, "I am going to wow you all with these songs in their respective order: first a meadowlark, then a jay, and then a hawk. So ladies and gentlemen, I give you the ultimate, two-minute mimicry of a starling. Thank you!"

She then sang a repetition of a meadowlark's song, 3 to 5 pure and plaintive flutelike whistles all slurred together and gradually dropping in pitch. She continued to do this very melodically, until 50 seconds into her time limit. Then, for about 40 seconds, she sang "Click, cluck, whirr, whine, and liquid notes," like a Blue Jay. And then, for the remaining 30 seconds, she gave off the characteristic kee-eeee-arr of a Red-Tailed Hawk while imitating said hawk's soaring pattern.

No buzzing this time. The judges were all very pleased. And the Talentometer read Clarice's status at the top, number 7. The audience went wild.

"Superb, Clarice!" said Nemu. "Nice mimicry! Even crows and ravens usually don't do it as well as you do."

"I agree!" said Torgul.

"Me, too," said Silvia.

Cracker said that her mimicry was like magic to him.

Blushing a little under her face feathers, Clarice thanked the audience deeply. Evidently, she hadn't been expecting all that joy from her hosts.

"A _very_ good attempt, Clarice," said Lunie. "I have no doubt that you'll be among the contenders for the win. Where did you learn to do such good Bird imitations?"

"Since I was a chick, I think," said Clarice, "I always loved the songs of other Birds, and I so wanted to sound like them myself, so I practiced for a long time since I was only three after coming out of the egg. It hasn't been as much of a breeze as you might think; it's been a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but I'm glad to have achieved my goal to be a great mimicry Bird."

"Well, that's just sweet!" said Lunie, "We'll let you know later whether you're the winner or not." He gently nudged her backstage.

"There she goes, lovely Clarice," said Lunie, "Of course, we mustn't forget that some Birds don't appreciate mimicry, saying that such Birds which do that are 'ripping off their culture.' But she's still _very_ talented. And now, our fourth contestant tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Palatine the Emperor Penguin!"

A cute-looking penguin Bird waddled out onto the stage, a glass water tank being pushed out with him by repulsorlift technology.

"So, Palatine," asked Lunie, "What are you going to do to amaze us?"

Palatine said, "In this tank of ice water, there are a hundred edible fishes, ready to be freshly eaten. I am going to catch as many of these fish and eat them on the run before time is up."

"Ooh," said Lunie, "Sounds like fun. Of course, are you sure you have the stomach to digest all those fish if you're going to eat so many?"

"Don't worry about that," Palatine assured him, "I've prepared my stomach to expand easily when I swallow extra food. As long as I don't get carried away, I won't get indigestion."

"Okay, then," Lunie replied, "Good luck. May fortune favor you tonight. Now, Palatine has two minutes to gobble up as much fish in this tank as he can without getting sick or indigestion, and this counter over here will count every fish he eats until the timer runs out, or he can't eat anymore. And his time to prove this starts… now!"

Palatine dove into the tank from a rock on the side of it, and went underwater. He began to swipe fish up, one by one. One, two, three, four, five… He managed to make it to ten by the end of 20 seconds. The audience held its collective breath. Apparently, this was a somewhat dangerous stunt, especially since Palatine could come up for air only once.

He ate another fifteen after 30 more seconds, and then six more when the first minute was up. But then, as the second minute was underway, he suddenly surfaced and began to gasp, clutching his stomach, as if he had a stomachache. He regurgitated a fish or two. All four judges hit their buzzers at once.

"Ooohh," he moaned, "I can't believe it. I overestimated how much I could eat." He clambered out of the water and tumbled to the floor.

"Disappointing," said Torgul bluntly.

"I don't know how you did it," said Silvia.

"Perhaps you didn't prepare well enough for this," suggested Cracker, "That was just way too dangerous."

"Even I agree," said Nemu, "You could've choked, and we can't be held responsible for accidents on the stage of this show."

The Talentometer showed Palatine at number 2.

"I'm sorry, Palatine," said Lunie, "It was a very ambitious try there, but so far, you're the least successful of our contenders this evening. You didn't get any farther that the first minute before you lost it."

Palatine said, "Uh, right. Um, could someone lead me backstage? I think I'm going to have constipation soon." Then he let out a massive burp.

Some members of the audience laughed, though others just shivered in disgust. Palatine was escorted off the stage.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen," said Lunie, "I'd like you to welcome the last of our contestants tonight, from the upper north side, the magic duo everyone loves to emulate, the cuckoo and the cowbird themselves, Mack & Birdo!"

The audience cheered as two Avistan celebrities, Mack the Cuckoo and Birdo the Cowbird, walked onstage with some magic equipment.

"So, then, Mack," he said to Mack, "What are you and Birdo going to do for us tonight?"

"Well, I'm going to hold my wings out like so," said Mack, spreading his wings, "And Birdo here is going to swing forks through them. We're going to show, basically, how my wings can survive a beating from nasty kitchen utensils."

Birdo said nothing, but he smiled. Mack was their speaker; Birdo usually practiced mime when performing.

"Great!" said Lunie, "Let's see it then. You have two minutes to do this trick as perfectly as possible, starting from… now!"

Mack spread his wings. Birdo threw forks at the wings. Mack cried out in pain as the utensils flew through his feathers, and something like blood started to flow from them. Curiously enough, though, Mack didn't lose the strength to stand, or to otherwise perform. This carried on for the whole two minutes, and then…

Mack turned toward the audience. While doing the trick, his side was turned towards them. "Look at my wings," he instructed the audience. They did.

The blood was still there, and so were the injuries, but Mack was showing no signs of pain or weakness anymore.

"You want to know how we did that?" Mack asked. Birdo grinned and shrugged.

"Yeah!" shouted the audience.

"Well," continued Mack, "as you can see, the forks flew through my wings. But behold!" His "wings" suddenly fell to the floor and off of his body! And out of the back of his clothes sprung a new pair of wings, and they were perfectly fine!

"The 'wings' were realistic fakes," he explained. "The blood was also fake. I was never truly injured in the first place; the fake wings were what were getting ripped by the forks."

The audience applauded. The Talentometer went up to a 6.9.

"Excellent trick, Mack & Birdo!" said Cracker, "You guys have still got it!"

"Superb, if I may say so," said Nemu.

"Encore!" shouted Silvia and Torgul together.

Mack & Birdo bowed and went backstage.

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen,' said Lunie, "A great try there, and a very successful one, if I do say so myself! However, only one contender may win tonight's prize of A$1,000,000, and I think that we should judge it both by the claims of the judges and the height of the Talentometer for each contender."

The audience tensed up, waiting for the announcement of the winner.

"So, what do the judges say?" asked Lunie. "Who should win?"

The judges deliberated amongst themselves for a few long moments, and then they gave their answer.

"Tonight's prize should go to Clarice the starling for her outstanding mimicry," said Nemu.

The audience roared.

"So be it," said Lunie, "The A$1,000,000 goes to Clarice for her outstanding job at imitating the songs and calls of the meadowlark, the jay, and the hawk!"

Clarice came onstage, cheering wildly, and was soon presented with the million Avistan dollar check. Lunie gave her a light peck on the cheek. The other contestants came back out, too, to congratulate her. She was also provided with a trophy as a souvenir to remember her victory by. It was shaped like two Birdmen standing on their hands or feet in acrobatic positions. Paparazzi took photos of Clarice and the other contestants, while the judges privately discussed the show with each other. And Lunie said:

"And so ends another episode of Avista's Got Talent! Tune in next month, when Palatine returns for some redemption of his own, and Franck the coot comes from the far east of the Bird Nation to entertain you with his quaint water dance, where he appears to dance on the surface of the water! Good night, everybody!"

The end credits roll.


End file.
